[89y49rexsi]

here i will start this off and yall can just post your own lolz

The Blonde and the Horse

A young blonde woman decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action.

As it gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the
blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway!

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its' slipping rider.

Finally, losing her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground, over and over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground and she is mere moments away from unconsciousness, to her great fortune, Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

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[89y49rexsi]

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.


Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.


'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.


'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.


They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.


After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.


The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'


'No,' she replies. . .


























The suspense is killing you, isn't it?












She says:

'You just happened to catch my eye.'

[89y49rexsi]

A girl asks her
boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'



The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'

[JDMJester]

Stolen from another forum I frequently browse..


You always hear about couples having fights. Well here are a few…..








My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...
================================================== ===================

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...
================================================== ===================

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...
================================================== ===================

My wife is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees
and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I
really need you to pay
me a compliment.'

I reply, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....
================================================== ===================

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Labatt's Blue for $24.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
cream.

And then the fight started....
================================================== ===================

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

And then the fight started.....
================================================== ===================

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog and slipped
quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck and proceeded
to back out into a
torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on
the radio and discovered
that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed and slipped back into
bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation and
whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is
out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started ...
================================================== ===================

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....
================================================== ===================

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were
in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this
time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

[89y49rexsi]

hahahahahahaha lol rofl lmao that shit is funny lol